So many emotions

April 12th, 2013
Writing from Santa Monica Starbucks. What an amazing thing to be writing in the sun and experiencing something new. The frustration of not knowing where to go is still with me even though I thought, “Finally, a place to hunker down and start working. Nope, no place to sit except outside with no table or WiFi.

I know this sounds like I am complaining, I am only pointing out what I did not realize I would run into and I have to take a breath and look at this as part of what I am learning is exploring and finding the places to sit down and work.

Emotions of yesterday, my first day in LA.

I woke up yesterday and all I saw on my calendar was white space, lots and lots and lots of white space for the next two months. To be quite honest, I do not recall every having this much white space except may be in the 4th grade during a summer I had nothing but reading going on.

Granted, I am keenly aware of what an amazing blessing these two months of white space are for me. I personally do not know of anyone who has been given this gift of time to figure out who they really are and to spend focused time on their dreams.

I am incredibly grateful to my husband, kids, parents, family and friends who are helping make this happen.

Back to white space, I had looked at it and froze. I am a person who has multiple things going all the time and thrive on being busy so white space scares the bajeezeas out of me. I counted to 3 and took a big breath then said, what do I know to do? I love running and a goal of mine is to run everyday, I need to write, update my blog, recap and write about what I learned at the Social Media conference, grocery shop, research casting directors and make a plan, have my acting coaching session, call friends who live here and class at night. There are many other things on the list as well.

Whew! That does not look like white space to me anymore, does it?

Then I talked with my husband, who knows me so well and he reminded me to just make a plan and start with small steps. He said go sit at Starbucks as that is familiar and work out a plan. Great idea and I had planned to do it but I did not get a chance to do that yesterday so where did that white space go?

To those of you who freeze and feel like they are chocking with white space, start making a list of what you need to do and what you know to be true and you will realize there is no more white space

Class last night with Mark Attaberry:

LOVED IT!!! We are honing in on our types and learning how others view us.

I learned that I am most viewed as intelligent. Wow. That does surprise me, all my life I have been trying to prove that I am smart. I have a learning disability which made it difficult to go through school and do well on tests, I had two brothers who are amazingly smart, my little brother knew how to spell better than me. What I did not realize was the learning disability is what made spelling, taking tests and doing math difficult for me. I discovered my learning disability sophomore year in college but the damage of thinking I was not smart enough was done by then.

It has taken much self-reflection over the last 2 years, some counseling and an acting class for me to change that thinking.

Now, as I think through my life and my accomplishments and understand how others view me, I no longer need to prove my intelligence. I can sit and rest in it and I accept that I am intelligent. I will need to remind myself daily of this so my self talk changes.

I think that is what has been happening in acting as well, trying to prove I have talent instead of just resting in the talent. We are working in class on how to understand who we are, accept it and be comfortable with who we are and what we can offer which in turn will show in auditions.

All the people in the class are such fascinating people who bring many stories and experiences. They were all welcoming and friendly. I recommend every actor I know to take Mark Attaberry’s class if at all possible. He is delightful, insightful and here to help actors “make it”.

Today, I am making the most of this adventure, running along the beach at Santa Monica which is so much closer to my house than I thought, writing and planning.

Amazing how many emotions can occur in one day and how the next day with a little attitude adjustment, a sense of adventure and acceptance can change a bad day to a good day.

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